Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People\\\
These aren’t the people skills you learned in school.
Hey, it’s me on CBS News This Morning with Charlie Rose!
Read These First
captivate, vanessa van edwards, captivate book
How to Be Interesting
Are You an Ambivert?
How to Make Friends
Our Original Research
5 Secrets of a Successful TED Talk
The 10 Secrets to the Perfect Shark Tank Pitch
The Power (and Science) of Cuddling
Trump to Truman: An Analysis of 20 Inaugural Addresses
Current Experiments–play with us!
Lie Detection: Take the Lie Spotting Quiz
Test Your Body Language: Take the Quiz
Social Skills:
How to Spot a Toxic Person
How to Take the Perfect Selfie
How to Give an Awesome Toast
How to Get a Standing Ovation
9 Things You Should Know About Liars
How to Snap Out of a Funk
Anti-Awkward:
How to Make a Graceful Exit
The Science of the Resting Bitch Face
How to Throw an Awesome Party
How to Know if Someone is Going to Give You a Handshake or a Hug
Top 10 Clothing Hacks
I Love Lists:
10 Successful Phone Strategies
10 Ways to Rock a Conference
6 Secrets of Wildly Successful People
10 Steps to the Perfect Conversation
10 Ways to Rock a Networking Event
20 Hand Gestures You Should Be Using
10 Ways Body Language is Used in Advertising
Need a Laugh:
Science of Twerking
How to Be Funny
Laughter Lunch: 10 Videos to Make You Laugh
10 Short Videos to Recharge Your Brain
Chat With Us?
Deep Thinkers:
The Authenticity Crisis
7 Things You Need to Stop Doing
Why You Can’t Change That Person in Your Life
The Science of Goals
9 Ways to Think Like a Leader
Looking for Love:
7 Things You Should Never Say on a First Date
13 Great First Date Questions
Why Couples Fight: The Top 5 Issues
Bonus: Our Take on Popular Books:
The Science of Teams
from Team Genius: The New Science of High-Performing Organizations by Richard Karlgaard and Michael Malone
How to Snoop
from Snoop by Dr. Sam Gosling
The Science of Eating
from Mindless Eating: Why We Eat More Than We Think by Brian Wansink, Ph.D.
The Science of Eating
from Mindless Eating: Why We Eat More Than We Think by Brian Wansink, Ph.D.
How to Be Less Busy
from Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown
9 Ways to Increase Your Social Intelligence
from Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships by Dr. Daniel Goleman
The 6 New Rules of Sales…Number 5 is the Most Important
from To Sell is Human: The Surprising Truth About Moving Others by Daniel Pink
How to Be a Great Leader
from The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership by John C. Maxwell
How to Be Great
from Elite Minds by Dr. Stan Beecham
Our Media Hits:
The Oregonian | From Portland, self-taught expert teaches 60,000 around the globe
INC. | How to Give a Speech Like a TED Talk Pro
Business Insider | How Teaching Online Courses Helped One Entrepreneur Put a Down Payment on a House
Entrepreneur | How to Win on ‘Shark Tank’
Chicago Tribune | What TED talk speaker teach us about presenting
Daily Mail | Are you an Ambivert? Take the test to find out if you belong to ‘third personality type’ that is both an introvert and an extrovert
Lifehacker | Five Hand Gestures to Make You a Better Public Speaker
The Washington Post | What to do with your hands when speaking in public
Time.com | 7 Body Language Tips Everybody Should Know
Men’s Health | Why You Can’t Keep Your Hands Out of Your Pants
San Francisco Chronicle | Tech-savvy seek dating help in online courses
TED | Does body language help a TED Talk go viral? 5 nonverbal patterns from blockbuster talks
How to Talk to Strangers
If your mom was ever like mine and said “don’t talk to strangers”, then maybe the following steps are not going to settle well with our mothers. Because today, I want to help you talk to strangers–I’ll show you how to approach anyone about anything.
It’s kinda funny when you think about it, that I am about to teach you how to talk to strangers, when technically you and I are strangers. But as you will see, I am fascinated by this topic.
We are taught at a very young age to not talk to strangers, and then all of a sudden we grow up and have to talk to strangers all day long. We befriend them. Work with them. Strangers might even interview us for a job. We take classes with them. We make presentations for strangers in business meetings. We are even supposed to network with strangers at networking events. The list goes on and on..
Even though you were not taught this skill at a young age, I want to teach you how you can bond quickly and effectively with new people.
Step #1: The Warm-up
Before we get into what to say to a stranger, I want to talk about:
Your warm-up
Your approach
And what happens before the interaction
We’ll think of this as stranger foreplay. To avoid a cold interaction, you want to have a warm approach. The most important thing you want to do when you are approaching a stranger for the first time is to send off “Friend Signals”. When we first meet someone, our brain has to quickly decide–is this person a friend or foe? To distinguish between the two, here are a few examples to watch out for:
Foe Signals:
Crossed arms
Lack of eye contact
Hidden hands
Friend Signals:
Open body language; open torso with nothing blocking you
Direct eye contact upon approach
Visible hands ready for the handshake
So the next time you are about to meet someone new, make sure you approach them with friend signals. You will also earn bonus points if you smile at them.
Step #2: The Opener
Okay, so now that you have approached with friendly, warm nonverbal signals, what do you say to a stranger? Pick-ups and opening lines tend to make people very nervous, but don’t worry, the opening line is not as important as you might think. One of the best and effective pick-up lines is also the simplist. Are you ready for it?
The best opening line is… ‘Hey, how are you?’ Simple right? This opening line is easy and effective. So don’t drive yourself crazy coming up with something clever or witty. Just say, ‘Hey, how are you?’ This has worked for me 100% of the time.
Step #3: The Shake
After or during your opening line, give out your hand for a nice solid handshake. But what if you are not a shaker? Too bad, I want you to step up and shake the other person’s hand anyways. Why? Because handshakes are so important. The moment your skin touches someone else’s skin, you release chemicals that help you bond. If you need to perfect the art of the perfect handshake, check out our video here.
Some good rules of thumb to keep in mind for your next handshake: keep your hands dry and keep your handshake firm.
Step #4: The Intro
Now it’s time to introduce yourself. After you open with ‘Hey, how are you?’, you want to start building rapport. The way to do this is to start with who you are and how you have arrived. And if you can, bounce it back to them. For example, I could say, ‘Hey, I’m Vanessa. This is my first time at this conference, how about you?’ Then they would respond, and guess what? You are now in a conversation and are no longer strangers.
My final tip for you is to use food and drink as an opener if you can. Sitting at the bar is the easiest way to make conversation with the person next to you. Siding up to the buffet line to chit-chat is super simple. We all eat and drink, so it’s an easy way in.
Here’s some advice your momma never gave you: Go out and talk to some strangers.
Don't let the learning stop here. Captivate is available now!
Ever wonder what makes people tick? Want to know the hidden forces that drive our behavior? In Vanessa Van Edwards' new book Captivate, she explains a simple blueprint for hacking human behavior. In this science packed, anti-boring guide you will
Good luck, God willing